In the grand, bewildering pantheon of British politics, few figures are as delightfully paradoxical as Kemi Badenoch—the self-proclaimed scourge of “wokeism,” the iron-fisted defender of Brexit borders, and, if you believe the whispers, the ultimate anchor baby.
Yes, you read that right. The same Kemi Badenoch who now rails against “uncontrolled immigration” and sneers at “lefty lawyers” defending asylum seekers may owe her very presence in the UK to… well, the kind of immigration she now wants to restrict.
The Anchor Baby Allegations
For those unfamiliar with the term, an “anchor baby” is a child born in a country to secure residency rights for their parents—a concept usually screeched about by right-wing pundits when discussing migrants they don’t like. Badenoch was born in Wimbledon to Nigerian parents, and while there’s no suggestion her birth was anything but natural (Wimbledon’s famous for tennis, not passport fraud), the irony is thicker than a bowl of Nigerian eba.
Her parents later returned to Nigeria, only for Badenoch to come back to the UK at 16—presumably before the Home Office could say, “Hold on, is this chain migration?” She then climbed the political ladder, eventually becoming the woman who now tells other immigrants: “No, no, the drawbridge is up. My family got here first.”
Pulling Up the Ladder
Badenoch’s political brand is built on being the ultimate anti-woke warrior, railing against “identity politics” while somehow making her own Nigerian heritage a key part of her appeal (“See? A Black woman agrees with me!”). She’s the living embodiment of the “I’m not like the other immigrants” meme, standing at the border with a sign that reads: “Sorry, quota’s full. (P.S. I’m the quota.)”
She’s also a proud Brexiteer, despite the fact that her own career—from banking to politics—benefited from the kind of global mobility that Brexit has since made harder for… well, people who aren’t already sitting in Parliament.
The Ultimate Hypocrisy?
The real comedy gold here isn’t just that Badenoch might technically qualify as the thing her own voter base fears most—it’s that she’s now in charge of policies that would make it harder for someone like her own parents to come to the UK today.
Imagine a young Kemi, fresh off the plane from Nigeria, being told by 2024 Kemi: “Sorry, love, no more ‘health and care visas’ for your mum. Also, stop being so woke.”
Conclusion: A Masterclass in Cognitive Dissonance
In the end, Badenoch is a perfect metaphor for modern Britain: a nation that loves to romanticise its immigrant success stories while voting to keep new ones out. She’s proof that you can indeed pull the ladder up after you—just as long as you loudly insist you weren’t actually climbing one in the first place.
So here’s to Kemi Badenoch: the anchor baby who became the border guard, the immigrant’s daughter who forgot where she docked. May her legacy be as beautifully contradictory as her politics.
Final Thought: If Badenoch ever writes a memoir, it should be titled: “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Drawbridge.”
Centre for Nigeria Progress 