In a stunning twist that nobody saw coming (because honestly, who was paying attention?), Monday Okpebholo—Edo State’s most accidental political heavyweight—has suddenly found his voice. And what is he using this newfound vocal power for, you ask? To demand security clearance for opposition humans daring to visit Edo State, apparently.
Yes, the same man whose campaign strategy was essentially “I exist, please clap” now wants to turn Edo into Nigeria’s version of Area 51.
From Political Wallflower to Wannabe Security Czar
Just months ago, Monday Okpebholo was the human equivalent of background noise at a wedding reception—present, but completely ignorable. Now, flush with whatever confidence comes from being an APC governor in Edo (likely the realisation that his opponents are too busy fighting each other to notice him), he has decided that Edo State must be protected… from Obidients?
His proposal? Mandatory security clearance for all Obidients entering Edo. Because nothing says “investment-friendly state” like making people who give charity to fill out a “Why Are You Here?” form at the border.
What Would Monday’s Edo Look Like?
Picture this:
- Tourists: “We came to see the Benin Bronzes!”
- Monday’s Security Team: “Do you have a notarised letter of intent? A sworn affidavit from your village head? A DNA test proving you’re not an undercover Obidient?”
- Businessmen: “We’re here for a conference at the UNIBEN.”
- Monday’s Goons: “Show us your last three bank statements and a loyalty pledge to the APC.”
- Grandma from Delta: “I just came to visit my grandchildren!”
- Monday Himself: “That’s exactly what a sleeper agent would say. Detain her.”
Peter Obi’s Ghost Still Haunts Him
Of course, we all know why Monday is suddenly so concerned about “security.” It’s not cultists, kidnappers or armed robbers he’s worried about—it’s Peter Obi’s spectral influence. The man may have lost the presidential election, but his Obedient Movement still lurks in the shadows, ready to turn any election into a referendum on “structure vs. substance.”
Monday’s logic: “If I can’t stop Obi’s supporters from voting against me and Tinubu, maybe I can stop them from entering the state!”
Spoiler: That’s not how democracy works.
Reactions from Edo Citizens
- Market Women: “Abeg, we need customers, not immigration officers!”
- University Students: “So now we need a visa to go home for Christmas?”
- The Oba of Benin: “I’ve been here for centuries. Do I need clearance too?”
Alternative Theory: New Sheriff Monday Just Watched Too Many American cowboys Movies
Perhaps our dear governor has been binging Cowboys and Indians films and now believes Edo is a hotspot for international pistols, bows and arrows. Either that, or he’s trying to distract everyone from the fact that nobody can actually point to a single thing he’s done for Edo so far.
Classic political strategy: When in doubt, invent a crisis.
Final Verdict: The Ant’s Roar is More of a Squeak
Let’s be real—Monday Okpebholo’s grand security protocol is about as enforceable as a ban on Lagos traffic. Edo is a crossroads state, not a military bunker. If he really wants to secure votes, maybe he should focus on actual governance instead of turning the state into a glorified checkpoint.
But hey, at least he’s finally making noise. Too bad it’s the wrong kind.
Final Thought: If Monday gets his way, Edo’s new slogan will be: “Welcome to the People’s Democratic Republic of Paranoia.”
Bonus Prediction: By 2027, he’ll demand retinal scans at the Niger Bridge. “For security reasons.”
Centre for Nigeria Progress 