Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for the most chaotic, ego-driven, and frankly bizarre alliance since The Three Stooges met House of Cards. I present to you: The Axis of Evil? More Like the Axis of “What Even Is Happening?” featuring Donald Trump, Vladimir “Purtin” (thanks, autocorrect), and Bibi Netanyahu.
- Donald Trump: The Gold-Plated Wildcard
Ah, Trump—the man who turned politics into a reality show where the prize is your sanity. If the Axis of Evil had a group chat, Trump would be the one sending all-caps rants at 3 AM, followed by a tweetstorm denying he ever sent them. His foreign policy was like a game of Mad Libs: “We will bomb Iran until they disarm.”
His bromance with Putin was the political equivalent of a will-they-won’t-they sitcom plot, except instead of Ross and Rachel, it was “I believe Putin when he says he didn’t meddle” vs. “I have the best spies, folks, the best.”
- Vladimir Putin
Speaking of Putin this man is like a Bond villain who forgot to have fun. He rides horses shirtless, judo-flips oligarchs into submission, and has a face that says, “I know where you live.”
His role in this “axis” is the guy who pretends he’s not pulling all the strings while literally holding a marionette of Trump in one hand and a gas pipeline in the other. And yet, despite all his scheming, he still can’t get McDonald’s back in Russia. Tragic.
- Benjamin Netanyahu: The Political Houdini
Rounding out our trio is Netanyahu, the man who has been Israel’s Prime Minister longer than some millennials have been alive. His ability to cling to power makes cockroaches look like quitters.
Netanyahu’s superpower is surviving scandals that would end anyone else’s career, all while maintaining the energy of a man who just really needs you to know he’s the smartest guy in the room. His friendship with Trump was basically a mutual back-scratching agreement: “You recognize Jerusalem, I’ll say nice things about you on Fox News.”
The Axis Meetings (Probably)
If these three ever had a summit, it would be:
· Trump: “We’re gonna build a wall and make… uh… someone pay for it!”
· Putin: “Da. And then we invade.” (smirks mysteriously)
· Bibi: “Can we focus on Iran? Also, did I mention I’m brilliant?”
Conclusion: Are They Evil or Just Ridiculous?
Look, are they an actual Axis of Evil? Maybe. But honestly, they’re more like the Axis of “How Are These Guys in Charge?” a combination of ego, stubbornness, and the unsettling feeling that at any moment, one of them might start a war because of a Twitter typo.
So grab your popcorn, folks. Because if history has taught us anything, it’s that when these three are involved, the drama is always season finale-worthy.
Final Thought: If this was a reality show, I’d cancel my Netflix subscription. Unfortunately, we’re all stuck watching it live.
[Mic drop. But please, nobody tell Trump—he’ll try to sue me for “very unfair, very nasty” journalism.]
Centre for Nigeria Progress 