If you’ve been wondering why the judiciary and Nigeria’s secret police have suddenly developed the agility of Olympic sprinters and the paranoia of a cat in a room full of rocking chairs — look no further than Professor Pat Utomi’s latest brainwave: “shadow government.”
Yes, you read that right. Shadow government. A concept older than most Nigerian constitutions but now treated like a fresh coup plot.
đź‘‘ The Great Shadow Panic of 2025
Once Utomi muttered “shadow government,” the judiciary dusted off their wigs and gowns as if preparing for a season finale of Law & Disorder: Nigerian Edition. Judges began peering suspiciously at their own shadows in courtrooms. One senior justice reportedly refused to enter his chambers until his shadow presented two valid forms of ID and a certificate of return.
Meanwhile, the secret police (DSS) swung into action like a Nollywood commando squad. Raids were allegedly conducted at midnight—not on any actual suspects, but on poor unsuspecting streetlights. Because, of course, shadows don’t appear without light.
One agent was heard shouting, “We know you’re here, Utomi’s shadow cabinet! Come out and face the law!” to the darkness behind the Ministry of Justice.
🕵🏽‍♂️ Operation: Shadow Chase
In classic Nigerian style, a high-level task force was immediately constituted. Code name: Operation Shadow Chase.
The judiciary’s role: Issue injunctions against shadows trespassing on constitutional duties. The DSS’s role: Interrogate the sun for collaborating with shadows. The Ministry of Information’s role: Deny everything, including the existence of shadows.
Rumour has it that one enthusiastic agent tried to arrest his own silhouette at sunset. HR is still investigating the emotional trauma.
đź“ś Legal Gymnastics 101
Senior lawyers are already debating whether shadows have locus standi or can be held in contempt of court. A prominent SAN argued that “since shadows lack physical form, they are not justiciable,” to which another replied, “Exactly! Which is why they’re dangerous — they can’t be served court papers!”
Expect a constitutional amendment soon: “No person or shadow shall form a parallel government without the express permission of Abuja.”
🎠Meanwhile, in the Real World…
While wigs and agents are chasing non-entities, the real government remains blissfully unaware that Nigerians have been running shadow governments since NEPA first invented darkness.
Market women operate shadow taxation systems daily. Bus conductors run shadow transportation ministries. Your landlord has more executive power than some state governors.
Pat Utomi didn’t invent shadow government — he just gave it a press conference.
đź“ť Final Verdict
The judiciary and secret police might eventually discover that shadows disappear when you shine light intelligently, not when you chase them around with sirens. But this is Nigeria, where chasing shadows is both a policy and a pastime.
Utomi’s idea may have been symbolic, but our institutions have turned it into a blockbuster thriller. Coming soon to cinemas near you:
🎬 “Shadow Government: The Utomi Chronicles.”
Starring:
DSS as The Hunters Judiciary as The Interpreters Utomi as The Philosopher Shadows… as themselves.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 