When God created the alphabet, He had no idea one day a Nigerian governor would try to turn it into a cabinet list. But here we are, watching Monday Okpebholo, the self-proclaimed “Administrative Alphabet Professor,” make history in Edo State by discovering every single letter and assigning it a ministry — budget be damned.
It started innocently enough: Ministry of Agriculture, Ministry of Commerce — the usual suspects. But once the creative spirit (and perhaps the campaign debt) hit him, things escalated. Suddenly, Edo had a Ministry of Alphabetical Affairs and a Commissioner for Unnecessary Nomenclature.
By the time he reached “F,” there was the Ministry of Fancy Titles and Festivities, where people are paid to invent new reasons to dance while the treasury quietly cries in a corner. “G” brought the Ministry of Governance of Governmental Governance — an office so bureaucratic that it reports to itself three times before lunch.
Sources say the governor’s inner circle tried to intervene when he proposed the Ministry of Inter-Ministry Interference (MIMI), but he brushed them off, declaring, “Innovation begins with confusion!”
From A to Z, Okpebholo’s ministries now outnumber Edo’s local governments. There’s the Ministry of Keke Regulation and Okada Spiritual Affairs, the Department of Letter Q and Quiet Achievements, and the Bureau of Unexplained Ministries (BUM), which no one can find — though it reportedly receives a monthly subvention.
Even “X” didn’t escape the madness: we now have the Ministry of Xenophobia and External Relations, tasked with managing imaginary diplomatic crises with neighbouring states.
Budget? What budget? Each commissioner is promised an office, a convoy, and a portrait in the governor’s “Cabinet of Champions.” Unfortunately, the state treasury is now smaller than a councillor’s entertainment allowance. Civil servants whisper that the next budget presentation may simply read:
> Revenue: ₦10 billion
Expenditure: ₦97 billion
Explanation: “God will provide.”
Edo’s new slogan has reportedly changed from “Heartbeat of the Nation” to “Alphabet of Administration.” Even primary school pupils have joined the fun, reciting the new rhyme:
> “A for Agriculture, B for Bureau of Blame, C for Committee of Committees…”
As Okpebholo proudly announced at a press briefing, “This government has covered A to Z — literally. Development will follow soon; we just need to discover what letter it starts with.”
Meanwhile, the Accountant-General has allegedly applied for transfer to Zamfara — citing alphabet-induced trauma.
At this rate, Edo may soon have to create a Ministry of Missing Funds and Misplaced Priorities just to keep track of itself.
Until then, we salute His Excellency, Monday “Alphabet” Okpebholo — the first governor to confuse governance with Scrabble.
1 Ministry of Arts, Culture and Creative Economy — PENDING
2 Ministry of Works – Hon. (Dr.) Felix Ehiguese Akhabue
3 Ministry of Mining – Hon. Andrew Ijegbai
4 Ministry of Information and Strategy – Prince Kassim Afegbua
5 Ministry of Local Government and Chieftaincy Affairs – Hon. Paul Nosayaba Ohonbamu
6 Ministry of Business, Trade and Investment – Omoh Anabor
7 Ministry of Agriculture and Food Security – Dr. Jerry Uwangue, FCISM
8 Ministry of Livestock Development – Prof. Omorodion Ignatius Ikponwosa
9 Ministry of Environment and Sustainability – Hon. (Barr.) Nosa T. Adams
10 Ministry of Health – Dr. Cyril Adams Oshiomhole
11 Ministry of Education – Dr. Emmanuel Paddy Iyamu
12 Ministry of Physical Planning and Urban Development – Dr. Lucky Eseigbe
13 Ministry of Lands and Housing – Hon. Yakubu Oshiorenua Musa, JP
14 Ministry of Communications and Digital Economy – Ohimai Ehijimetor
15 Ministry of Science and Technology – Hon. Etin-Osa Ogbeiwi
16 Ministry of Water Resources and Sanitation – Dr. Washington Osa Osifo
17 Ministry of Youth Affairs – Hon. Charity Amayaenvbo
18 Ministry of Women Affairs – Eugenia Abdallah
19 Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation – Barr. Marie Olabisi Idaomi
20 Ministry of Power – Barr. Usenbo Paul Ehigie
21 Ministry of Oil and Gas Resources – (Barr.) Vincent Osas Uwadiae
22 Ministry of Finance – Engr. Emmanuel Okoebor
23 Ministry of Budget and Economic Planning – Dr. Elizabeth Ebosele
24 Ministry of Transportation – Hon. Saturday Uwuilekhue Idehen (JP)
25 Ministry of Justice – Prof. Roland Itoya Otaru, SAN
26 Ministry of Labour and Productivity – Godwin Afekokhe Eshieshi
27 Ministry of Special Duties and Intergovernmental Relations – Hon. (Barr.) Kenneth Okoruwa Ihensekhien
28 Ministry of Public Security and Safety – Hon. Ebea Festus Odianosen
Centre for Nigeria Progress 