In a move that has left diplomats confused, travel agents ecstatic, and fact-checkers working triple shifts, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu recently returned from international trips with what can only be described as the diplomatic equivalent of a magic bean. Not just one, but two! He announced a revolutionary visa-free regime with the United Arab Emirates and a dazzlingly improved visa process with Japan.
As a service to the confused Nigerian public, we’ve decided to break down what these “deals” actually mean for the average citizen hoping to escape our beloved humidity for the arid bliss of Dubai or the sushi-rich streets of Tokyo.
The UAE Agreement: From “No Visa” to “No, Visa!”
President Tinubu’s announcement was bold: a immediate, no-strings-attached, visa-free travel for all Nigerian passport holders to the UAE. The nation erupted in joy. Plans were made. Aunts began measuring their heads for new hijabs, and uncles started practising their “how much for the entire gold souk?” negotiation tactics.
However, it appears there was a classic case of diplomatic telephone. Our sources close to the situation (a guy named Tunde who reads Twitter threads while in traffic) suggest the actual conversation might have gone like this:
President Tinubu: “Your Highness, we must remove all barriers between our great peoples! Let them travel freely!” Sheikh Mohammed:”An interesting proposal. We shall consider easing the process for diplomatic passports.” President Tinubu (to his aide, back in the car): “Write this down: They have agreed. No visas for anybody. Make the announcement before the plane lands in Abuja. Let it be bold!”
The current reality? The UAE has, in a stunning coincidence, tightened its visa rules for Nigerians. The much-touted “villa ban” for previous visa over-stayers remains firmly in place. So, while the President announced “No Visa,” the current experience for applicants is more akin to a firm, automated email stating: “No, Visa.”
The Japanese “Improved Regime”: A Study in Creative Linguistics
Not to be outdone, the announcement with Japan was a masterpiece of ambiguity. An “improved visa regime.” What does that mean? Let’s translate from Politicalese to English:
· Politician Says: “We have secured a streamlined, efficient, and expedited process!”
· What It Means: The website to book your appointment now has a slightly brighter shade of blue. The dropdown menu has a new option that doesn’t crash every time you click it, just 7 out of 10 times.
· Politician Says: “We are reducing the documentary requirements!”
· What It Means: Instead of requiring a letter from your great-grandfather’s clan head confirming you are of good character, they now only require a sworn affidavit from your local government chairman and a blood sample. Progress!
· Politician Says: “We are creating a special pathway for business people!”
· What It Means: You can now upload your business plan directly to the application portal, where it will be read by a highly advanced algorithm that automatically replies, “Please submit your 6-month bank statement.”
A Practical Guide for the Hopeful Traveller
So, you’re still dreaming of seeing the Burj Khalifa or Mount Fuji? Here’s how to navigate the new, “improved” reality:
- Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Book a Non-Refundable Ticket: This is the most important step. That flight ticket you book today in a fit of optimism will become a tragic, expensive monument to your hope. It will sit on your fridge, taunting you.
- Prepare Documents for a Moon Landing: The “eased” requirements still mean you need to prove your life’s story. Gather every document you own, from your birth certificate to that award you got for “Best Attendance in Primary 4.” They might ask for it.
- Manage Your Expectations: An “improved visa regime” does not mean approval. It just means the “NO” arrives 3-5 business days faster and is printed on slightly nicer paper.
In conclusion, we must applaud the President’s bold vision. He doesn’t see the world as it is, but as it could be—a glorious, borderless utopia where a Nigerian passport grants instant access to the world’s luxuries. It’s a beautiful dream.
For now, though, until the dream is fully realised (and the fine folks at the UAE and Japanese embassies get the memo), maybe just consider a nice holiday in Badagry. The passport requirements are much simpler.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 