Forget Abuja: The Real Coup Was in a Lagos Press Conference, and the General Wore a Badge by Lawson Akhigbe

While the nation’s capital is buzzing with whispers of phantom plotters and shadowy figures in Aso Rock’s broom closets, we have all been spectacularly distracted. The actual, successful, and shockingly brazen coup against the Federal Republic of Nigeria did not happen in Abuja. It happened in a Lagos press conference, and the general’s name is Lagos state police commissioner, Olohundare Moshood Jimoh.

Let’s be clear. The gentlemen in Abuja, if they exist, are mere amateurs, playing with toy soldiers and dreaming of power. Mr. Jimoh, the “Hard Man” of the Lagos State Police Command, didn’t just dream. He acted. He didn’t need a tank; he had a uniform and an attitude. He didn’t seize the radio station; he seized the entire concept of justice.

The Moment the Constitution Was Shredded

His most high, Jimoh declared Leader of the Take It Back Movement, Omoyele Sowore, wanted over a protest involving residents of Oworoshoki whose homes were demolished by Lagos State Government.

The scene was a press conference, Jimoh bellowed that he with the self imposed authority had fused the three arms of government on himself. The Executive arrests, the Judiciary adjudicates. It’s a simple, centuries-old concept. Enter General Jimoh.

Witnesses report that when a citizen had the audacity to insist on his constitutional right of protest magistrate had the audacity to insist on his constitutional right to protest, Comrade Jimoh looked at that right, not with respect, but with the disdain of a chef looking at an underwhelming salad. In that moment, he didn’t see a constitutional right; he saw a suggestion. A weak one.

And so, he performed a miracle of governance. He fused the Executive and the Judiciary into one magnificent, terrifying new branch: the Executive Police.

With a wave of his hand and a refusal to comply, he tore the 1999 Constitution (as amended) into confetti. He didn’t use a paper shredder; the sheer force of his will was enough. Articles 6 (judicial powers) and 36 (right to a fair hearing) were the first to flutter to the floor. The doctrine of separation of powers? Separated into irrelevance.

The New Executive Police: A One-Man Band of Governance

Under the new Jimoh Doctrine, the process of justice has been beautifully streamlined:

1. Arrest: The police arrest you. (So far, so normal).
2. Detain: The police detain you. (Still within the old, inefficient paradigm).
3. The Jimoh Review: Here’s the revolutionary part. The court orders your release.
4. Executive Police Override: General Jimoh, in his infinite wisdom, reviews the court’s order and vetoes it. The judiciary is thus overruled. Case closed.

It’s efficient, it’s decisive, and it completely eliminates the need for all those pesky lawyers, magistrates, and court registrars. Think of the taxpayer money we’ll save!

The man is a visionary. Why have three cumbersome branches of government when you can have one hard man in a starched uniform? The legislature makes the laws, the judiciary interprets them, but the Executive Police? The Executive Police ignores them. It’s a bold new constitutional theory, and we are all its unwilling test subjects.

So, let the chatterboxes in Abuja gossip about phantom coups. The real action is in Lagos. The constitution has been suspended, and in its place, we have the unwavering will of Olohundare Moshood Jimoh.

We can only hope his new regime is benevolent. And that he remembers to uphold our right to… well, on second thought, perhaps it’s best not to ask. Long live the Executive Police! May his reign be as lawful as he deems it to be.