In the great theatre of British royalty, Prince Andrew occupies a special seat — somewhere between comic relief and “don’t mention the yacht”. The man has achieved what few in public life can: being disliked not for his politics or policies, but for the vague, aristocratic air of “something dodgy but not quite jail-worthy.”
Let’s start with the basics — he’s not been convicted of any crime. True. Neither has he been convicted of good judgment, but one mustn’t be greedy.
Still, there’s a whispering campaign that follows him around like the smell of expensive aftershave — the sort of whisper that begins with, “Well, I heard…” and ends with, “…but don’t quote me.” In most families, that would be a cause for embarrassment. In the Royal Family, it’s practically a job description.
After all, who in this illustrious clan could be called normal?
King Charles talks to plants, Prince Philip once told entire nations they looked funny, and Princess Anne could probably fix a Land Rover with a butter knife. Then there’s Edward — not the Netflix one, but the real historical one — the monarch who abandoned the throne for love, only to discover later that love is not legal tender.
If we’re judging the Windsors on eccentricity, Andrew’s crime is simply being boringly scandalous. Where his ancestors started wars, toppled empires, or married Americans for sport, Andrew’s biggest rebellion was “failing to sweat” on cue during a BBC interview.
That, and apparently having the world’s worst PR instincts. If ever there were an Olympic event for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time while looking smug about it, Andrew would be knighted twice over.
Yet here’s the thing — he’s just playing his part in the royal ecosystem. Every monarchy needs its lightning rod. The Victorians had Bertie the Playboy Prince, the modern age has Andrew the “what-were-you-thinking” Duke. The institution survives by keeping at least one member in public disgrace, as a distraction from the rest of them quietly owning half of Scotland.
So before we throw more corgis at the man, perhaps we should admit the obvious: the Royal Family isn’t a symbol of perfection. It’s Britain’s longest-running sitcom — and Prince Andrew is simply that awkward character the writers refuse to kill off because he still gets decent ratings.
Long live the Duke of Drama. He may never reign, but he will always remain — gloriously, indestructibly ridiculous.
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