In a sane democracy, when the Constitution says two-thirds of Senators must approve an emergency rule, you would expect calculators to come out, attendance to be checked, and 73 hands to be counted out of 109.
But this is Nigeria — we have upgraded the Constitution to “Noise-Based Governance.”
Why count heads when you can count volume?
🔊 Welcome to Abuja Mathematics: Noise ≥ 73
In Nigeria, our Senate believes decibels can replace digits.
Two-thirds is no longer a number — it is now the loudness of the “Ayes!” If the “Ayes” sound like a Yoruba party where the DJ has refused to lower the volume, boom — Constitution satisfied!
Forget 73 Senators.
If 12 shouted “AYE!” with enough echo to shake the chandelier, that is apparently constitutional compliance.
🎤 The Science of Voice Vote in Nigeria
A Nigerian “voice vote” works like this:
Senate President: “All those in favour say Aye!” Some Senators: AYE!!! Senate President (without checking if people are even present): “The Ayes have it!” Constitution: “But what about the 2/3 requirement?” Senate: “My friend will you keep quiet, can’t you hear the Ayes have shouted enough?”
Even NEPA can’t bring darkness faster than the speed with which Nigerian presiding officers say: “The Ayes have it!”
📢 Noise Level = National Security Clearance
Apparently, the founders of democracy forgot one thing:
“If you shout it loud enough, it becomes law.”
This is why emergency rule in Nigeria doesn’t need Senators to agree — just one confident “Aye!” from a Senator with voice like Portable, and boom! A whole state is placed under lockdown.
In fact, some Senators save their voice during debates but drink honey before the “Aye” moment — vocal cord strategy.
🤣 Imagine if Nigerian Parenting Worked Like Senate Voice Votes
Mother: “All children in favour of washing plates say Aye!”
One child whispers: “Aye…”
Mother: “The Ayes have it!”
Duty assigned. End of discussion. Court is adjourned.
🧠 Serious Bottom Line (Because we must behave small):
The Constitution requires 2/3 of Senators (73 people) to approve an emergency.
A voice vote cannot scientifically or mathematically prove that number.
But Nigeria has invented a new system: the louder side is automatically the majority.
No calculator needed — just a loud voice and confidence.
✍️ Final Word
If the Nigerian Senate was an exam hall, they would not mark attendance — they would mark noise level.
In our beloved country, democracy is sometimes decided not by numbers, but by decibels.
After all, as long as the Senate President hears something that sounds like “Aye”, even if it came from the cleaners in the gallery — the Ayes have it!
Centre for Nigeria Progress 