There are many great mysteries in the universe — like where socks go after you wash them, or how Nigerian politicians manage to get re-elected after four years of “ghost projects.” But perhaps the greatest riddle of our age is why anyone still asks questions for which Donald Trump or the modern GOP could possibly be the answer.
Because let’s be honest — if life were a multiple-choice test, “Trump and the GOP” would be the “None of the Above” option written in invisible ink.
The Gospel According to MAGA
Somehow, the Republican Party — once the party of Lincoln — has been converted into the Church of Eternal Outrage. Every sermon begins with “We the People,” and ends with “Send donations.” Their Ten Commandments are simple:
Thou shalt not fact-check. Thou shalt not respect democracy. Thou shalt always blame Hillary. Thou shalt treat every indictment as a campaign fundraiser.
Trump, the High Priest of Hyperbole, now presides over this congregation like a game show host whose prize wheel is democracy itself. Each spin lands on “witch hunt,” “rigged,” or “unbelievable, folks, really unbelievable.”
When Logic Left the Building
Once upon a time, American politics had debates — ideas, policies, and the occasional scandal involving interns or cigars. Now it’s an open-mic night for conspiracy theories.
Ask a policy question — say, “How do we fix healthcare?”
Answer: “Build a wall.”
Ask about climate change?
Answer: “It’s a hoax invented by windmills that kill eagles.”
Ask about education?
Answer: “Ban books before they ban us.”
It’s like consulting a weatherman who insists that every forecast depends on Hunter Biden’s laptop.
Exporting the Chaos
And the world, being the world, is watching — popcorn in hand. Foreign leaders must look at America’s political circus the way Nigerians watch Big Brother Naija: embarrassed yet deeply entertained.
The European Union, once the model of bureaucratic order, now peeks across the Atlantic and mutters, “There but for the grace of Brussels go we.” Even Putin must be confused — after all, who needs foreign interference when America is doing such a magnificent job interfering with itself?
The Trump Doctrine: Loud and Wrong
The Trump Doctrine, in its purest form, can be summed up in four words: “Say it, then deny.”
He can contradict himself three times before breakfast and still find a crowd to cheer, “That’s what leadership looks like!”
It’s a marvel of modern politics: a man who can make being under investigation look like a brand strategy. Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is smiling and whispering, “I told you so.”
In Conclusion: No, Really, No
So, dear world, if you’re ever tempted to ask, “Could Trump and the GOP be the solution?” — remember this: they’re not even the right question.
You don’t cure a fever by setting the thermometer on fire. You don’t fix a leaking roof by shouting “Fake rain!” And you certainly don’t save democracy by electing people allergic to democracy.
Because, in the US and the world at large, there isn’t any question for which Trump and the GOP are the answer. Not even in a quiz show run by Elon Musk.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 