Let’s play a game. It’s called “Whose Citizens Are These, Anyway?” The rules are simple, if morally bankrupt. Player A, a nation, decides it has Too Many Foreigners. Player A then gathers said foreigners, often with the subtlety of a bulldozer in a china shop, and deposits them at the border of Player B. Player B, affronted, retaliates by vowing to ban everyone from Player A. Everyone scores zero points, but the politicians get a short-term headline. Congratulations! You’re now playing international relations like it’s 2024.
Our story starts in what some might call the “Developing World Playbook.” Nigeria to Ghana: “Time’s up, folks!” South Africa to Zimbabweans: “Monumental copy-paste job, check.” Pakistan to Afghanis: “It’s not you, it’s… actually, it’s just you. All of you.” The methodology is brutally efficient: the Blanket Fiat. No individual checks, no “but my bakery is here!” appeals. Just a collective decree, as if an entire nationality woke up and collectively forgot to take out the trash.
Contrast this, we were told, with the serene, ordered halls of the Developed World. The US and UK: temples of due process! Here, expulsion was a solemn, legal waltz. A letter, a hearing, a right to appeal to a bewigged judge who might ponder, “Yes, but does this person make a truly excellent fish and chips?” It was messy, slow, but it had a thread of law running through it. This, we nodded sagely, was The Demarcation.
Then entered the Agent of Chaos. The Orange Tornado. Donald J. Trump.
He looked at the legal waltz and said, “Boring!” preferring a game of musical chairs where the music never stopped and the chairs were deportation flights. He didn’t just bar individuals; he barred continents. Well, countries from continents. The “shithole” countries, if you will. The template shifted. The Blanket Fiat got a gilded, hyper-capitalist makeover. Kidnappings from streets? Check. Bans on entire Muslim-majority nations? Check. The rule of law wasn’t just bent; it was given a wedge issue and spun into ratings gold.
And the world watched. Some recoiled. Others, it seems, took furious notes.
Enter the United Kingdom, once proud drafter of the Magna Carta, now proudly photocopying from the Trumpian playbook. Their new policy? If an African nation (Rwanda, we’re all looking at you and that controversial deal) dares to not accept back its expelled citizens, the UK will retaliate by… banning everyone from that country. It’s the diplomatic equivalent of “if you don’t take back your old leggings, you can’t come to my birthday party.” It’s punitive, petty, and a perfect facsimile of the blanket approach they once supposedly abhorred.
And here lies the cosmic, hilarious-in-a-dark-way joke: They think the template is one-way.
They believe you can build a beautiful, authoritarian machine for “The Other” and that the cogs, gears, and “zero-humanity” levers will never, ever be turned on your own people. History, that sassy librarian in the corner, is slamming her book shut and laughing. “Oh, you sweet summer child,” she chortles. Every tool forged to dehumanise the foreigner is a tool in the shed, waiting. First it’s “illegal immigrants,” then it’s “activists,” then it’s “people who disagree with the government.” The fascist playbook isn’t sector-specific. It’s a buy-one-get-your-own-population-free deal.
So, what have we learned?
The Developed vs Developing demarcation is now as blurry as a parliamentarian’s conscience. The new demarcation is between nations that cling, however clumsily, to individual dignity under the law, and nations where power is a blunt instrument. And the blunt instrument club has some very fancy, unexpected new members.
The global game of hot potato with human beings has just had its rules rewritten by its most irresponsible players. And the only thing expanding faster than the list of banned countries is the irony. We’ve gone from due process to “due to process… everyone out.”
The final punchline? When they come for your rights using the system they built for them, don’t say History didn’t try to warn you. She left a post-it note. It just got lost in the deportation orders.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 