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Uzodimma approves N104,000 minimum wage for Imo workers
Imo State’s Internally Generated Revenue (IGR) was, placing it at 28th among Nigerian states, significantly below its target, with its Imo State Internal Revenue Service (IIRS) responsible for its collection. The National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) reports these figures, and the IIRS is the authority tasked with increasing the state’s revenue through various strategies and fostering tax compliance.
Let’s play a game. It’s called “Who Deserves a Raise?”
Contestant A: You. You’ve just mastered the art of responding to 47 emails, attending a meeting that should have been an email, and simultaneously drinking lukewarm coffee while pretending to understand the new expense reporting software. You’ve been “productivity-pilled,” “silent-quitting,” and “leaning in” so far you’re practically horizontal. Your reward? A 2.5% cost-of-living adjustment that doesn’t cover the cost-of-breakfast-adjustment.
Contestant B: A member of the legislative branch. Their key productivity today was passionately arguing that the national bird should be more patriotic, followed by a three-hour lunch to “discuss fiscal policy” (the main fiscal policy being whether to order the lobster or the steak). Their reward? A salary comfortably nestled in the $174,000 range, plus benefits that likely include a gold-plated stapler and a personal fainting couch.
See the disconnect? Of course you do. You’re productive. You’re probably reading this while on hold with IT.
The modern workplace operates on a simple, infuriating equation: Personal Productivity ↑ = Personal Salary →. Your salary is like a particularly lazy pet rock; it barely moves, despite your Herculean efforts to train it.
We’re bombarded with apps to manage our tasks, podcasts to optimize our morning routines, and seminars to synergize our paradigms. We’ve become efficiency ninjas, silently slicing through our inboxes with the precision of a sushi chef. And for what? To afford a slightly better avocado? Meanwhile, in the halls of power, the productivity-to-salary ratio is so inverted it defies the laws of economic physics.
Let’s break down the productivity metrics:
In Your Office:
· Productivity: Successfully merging a PDF.
· Time Invested: 45 minutes of googling, 15 minutes of silent screaming.
· Financial ROI: The profound sense of achievement (and maybe a “Thanks!” from Brenda in Accounting).
In The Capitol:
· Productivity: Naming a post office.
· Time Invested: 30 seconds to say “Aye.”
· Financial ROI: Enough to actually buy a post office. Maybe two.
The executive branch isn’t much different. The President’s salary is a cool $400,000 a year, plus a free house with a dedicated pastry chef and a movie theater. His most famous productivity hack? “The Buck Stops Here.” Which is admirably honest, as it implies the buck doesn’t actually do any work before it stops. It just… arrives.
We’re told to “work smarter, not harder.” Our leaders have taken this to its logical extreme. Their productivity isn’t measured in tasks completed, but in motions gone through, debates had, and votes occasionally cast. It’s a different league. While you’re getting dinged on your performance review for only exceeding expectations instead of radically transforming them, a senator’s performance is measured by their ability to remain upright during a C-SPAN broadcast.
So, what’s the solution? How can we, the over-caffeinated and under-remunerated masses, bridge this chasm?
1. Adopt Legislative Work Ethic: The next time your boss asks for a report, simply form a subcommittee to discuss the report. Then, adjourn for a recess. Indefinitely.
2. Executive Perks: Demand a housing allowance. Specifically, a large white one with a fence. And a dedicated military jet. For your commute.
3. Lobby Yourself: Spend your lunch break passionately arguing with your reflection in the breakroom microwave about why you deserve a raise. It’s about raising awareness.
In the end, the greatest productivity hack ever invented isn’t an app or a time-management method. It’s getting elected. Their most productive moment was winning a job where the link between effort and reward is as mythical as a unicorn that knows how to file its taxes.
So, the next time you’re grinding through your to-do list, remember: true productivity isn’t about how much you do. It’s about making sure your salary is completely and utterly disconnected from it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting about the agenda for next week’s meeting to plan our quarterly meeting strategy. I’m expecting a raise any minute.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 