There’s a peculiar kind of nostalgia brewing in certain Reform Party corners — a longing for the “good old days.” You know, when television looked like a snowstorm of beige, when sports were “proper,” and when diversity meant two kinds of pudding. Unfortunately for them, the 1950s called — and it’s not taking returns.
It seems some Reform Party supporters have spotted a scandal on television: non-white people in adverts! Yes, there they are — smiling, buying toothpaste, playing football, running companies, and, horror of horrors, existing. The party faithful appear to believe the nation’s moral compass is spinning wildly every time a mixed family sells us fabric softener.
Their reaction resembles someone discovering Wi-Fi in a medieval castle — shock, confusion, and an immediate urge to burn something.
But here’s the rub: the Reform Party is facing an engineering challenge of epic proportions. They don’t just want to reform the present; they want to reverse-engineer history. Sadly, Britain no longer manufactures the sort of machinery capable of that. You’d need a time machine powered by denial and Daily Mail headlines to make that trip.
Imagine their manifesto:
Policy 1: Replace all adverts with grainy black-and-white clips of men named Nigel buying sensible cars. Policy 2: Ban the word “inclusion” unless it refers to members-only golf clubs. Policy 3: Replace the Premier League with a Sunday pub league where everyone’s named Dave and the only foreign import is the lager.
One can’t help but admire the ambition — trying to turn back the tide of global migration, multiculturalism, and, inconveniently, human evolution. It’s like standing on Brighton beach and shouting, “Stop the waves!” with a pint glass.
The reality is, history has moved on — and it’s brought everyone along for the ride. Britain is now a curry-loving, Afrobeats-listening, Premier-League-worshipping island that still somehow queues politely. That is Britishness today — a mashup of cultures that would make the Beatles proud.
If the Reform Party truly wants to go back to a time before diversity, they’ll have to cancel the Roman invasion, undo the Norman Conquest, and somehow delete every spice from the national kitchen. Goodbye chicken tikka masala — and frankly, goodbye joy.
So, to our friends in Reform: if you’re that determined to live in a past where non-white faces didn’t appear on TV, you may find your only refuge in the Antiques Roadshow — and even there, someone of colour might be valuing your family’s colonial tea chest.
History, dear Reformers, isn’t a bus that will come back if you wave hard enough. It’s an express train — and it’s multicultural, multilingual, and moving full steam ahead.
Best hop on, before you’re left shouting at the timetable.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 