There is an old fable about a group of mice who came up with a brilliant plan to outsmart a predatory cat: simply tie a bell around its neck so they’d always hear it coming. The plan was flawless, right up until one wise mouse asked the killer question: “Who is going to bell the cat?”
In modern governance, we face a much weirder, more tragic version of this dilemma. We don’t just lack a volunteer to bell the cat; we are stuck in a situation where the mice are terrified of the cat, the cat has dirt on the mice, and the mice are too busy blackmailing each other with alleged iPad videos to care about the kitchen being destroyed.
When the moral standing of an elite class is thoroughly compromised, justice doesn’t just take a back seat, it gets thrown out of the moving vehicle entirely.
A Tale of Two Wardrobes: Skeletons vs. Graveyards
The recent drama on the floor of the Nigerian Senate perfectly encapsulates this moral gridlock. It played out like a satirical stage play, but unfortunately, the Hansard is real.
The debate centered on the confirmation of Professor Abayomi Fasina as an ambassador. The snag? The Professor is currently facing sexual harassment allegations from two women, with the cases sitting in court.
- The Objection: Senator Adams Oshiomhole stood up to play the temporary voice of reason, suggesting that perhaps, just perhaps, the Senate should pause the confirmation of an ambassadorial nominee until the court determines if he’s a predator.
- The Bureaucratic Pivot: Senator Simon Lalong, chairing the Foreign Affairs Committee, quickly sidestepped, noting that no formal court documents had been brought to his desk. “It’s not every allegation that will stop the proceedings of the Senate,” he argued. Because why let a little thing like systemic abuse allegations stall the machinery of state?
- But it was Senate President Godswill Akpabio who brought down the house and any remaining semblance of decorum with a masterclass in elite deflection.
- Instead of addressing the vetting process for an international representative of the Federal Republic, Akpabio weaponized the ultimate political shield: mutual assured destruction.
“Is it AI, or are You Just Happy to See Me?”
Rather than debating Professor Fasina’s suitability, Akpabio deflected by casually mentioning a viral photo of Senator Adams Oshiomhole allegedly massaging a young woman’s leg on a plane.
“Senator Lalong came to give me security information,” Akpabio bantered, amidst the roaring laughter of his distinguished colleagues. “He said that we just ignored the massaging because we thought it was AI. But if you have another evidence, we have a petition before us. We can look into it if it’s not AI.”
And just like that, the serious discussion of sexual harassment allegations against a diplomat was reduced to a punchline about deepfakes and mid-flight leg rubs.
This is how the game is played. The accuser has a skeleton in his cupboard; the accused has a graveyard. When everyone lives in a glass house, nobody throws stones instead, they just pass around binoculars and laugh at each other’s renovations.The True Casualty
While the red chamber chuckles at “AI leg massages,” the real-world implications are devastatingly unfunny.
The ultimate victims of this political theater are women and justice.The Elite Feedback Loop:
An allegation is raised, which immediately triggers a deflection or counter-accusation. This dissolves into laughter and institutional inaction, ultimately resulting in the individual being confirmed into high office.
When those accused of abuse are elevated to higher offices with a wink and a nod, it sends a chillingly clear message to society: Protection is a luxury reserved for the powerful. The system ensures that those who are supposed to act as checks and balances are too compromised by their own antics to ever cast the first stone.
Until the elite realize that governance isn’t a locker-room comedy hour, the rest of the country will remain stuck in the gallery, watching the circus perform while the house burns down.
Centre for Nigeria Progress 