Welcome to Nigeria, where the law isn’t just a blind goddess holding scales she’s also apparently an event planner with a very specific, highly selective guest list.
Lately, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has taken on a new, thrilling identity. Forget chasing complex multi-billion-naira treasury loots; the agency has found its true calling as the grand protector of paper bills. The offense? “Naira abuse” that age-old, culturally hardwired act of spraying money at social gatherings. But as with everything in Nigerian politics, who is doing the spraying matters infinitely more than what is being sprayed.
One Rule for the Warlords, Another for the Activists
Let’s talk about Government Ekpemupolo, popularly known as Tompolo.
When a viral video emerged showing the former Niger Delta militant leader and security contractor joyfully dancing while crisp ₦1,000 notes rained down upon him during his 54th birthday bash, the public held its breath. Here was a man publicly and flagrantly “abusing” the legal tender on camera.
Did the EFCC rush to his door? Did they demand he catch the next flight to Abuja to explain himself?
[ The EFCC Decision Tree ]
│
Is the suspect a powerful warlord
with national security leverage?
/ \
Yes No
/ \
[ Exercise "Prosecutorial [ Unleash the 12-hour
Discretion" / Sleep ] marathon interrogation! ]
Of course not. Tompolo did not fly to Abuja; Abuja knows better than to disturb the peace of Oporoza. In Tompolo’s case, the EFCC suddenly discovered a highly sophisticated, deeply sensitive legal tool known as prosecutorial discretion. This is the common-sense power of law enforcement to say: “Yes, technically a rule was broken, but pursuing this would be silly, counterproductive, or trivial.”
And they would be right! Spraying paper at a birthday party is a victimless cultural custom, not a heist. But consistency is a beautiful thing, and unfortunately, it is entirely absent here.
Enter the Election Season: The “Deaf and Dumb” Clampdown
Fast forward to our current political climate. With general elections looming on the horizon, the air is thick with tension, and suddenly, the EFCC’s “prosecutorial discretion” has evaporated faster than fuel at a petrol station during a strike.
Instead of exercising that same common sense, the commission went into hyper-overzealous mode, inviting and subjecting prominent opposition activists Peter for Nigeria (Peter Akah) and Mama Pee (Oruche Precious) to marathon, late-night interrogations.
The crime? Allegedly doing what almost every single Nigerian has done at a traditional wedding. And the punchline? The defense notes that the bills in question weren’t even real legal tender, but prop money used for entertainment purposes.
Imagine spending hours of state-funded investigative power interrogating activists over movie props while actual economic saboteurs roam free.
The Optics of the Outrage
To the average onlooker, the message is loud and clear: if you are a politically connected figure or a powerful regional asset, your Naira-spraying is a colorful cultural expression. But if you are an opposition voice, even holding prop money is a national security threat that requires a midnight trip to the EFCC headquarters.
The EFCC seems entirely deaf and dumb to how terrible this looks. By weaponizing a minor, culturally accepted “non-crime” against vocal opposition figures, they haven’t saved the Naira; they have only cheapened their own credibility.
If prosecutorial discretion can shield the powerful, it should at least be used to spare the rest of the nation from these exhausting, politically motivated circus acts. Until then, hold onto your wallets tightly—and if you must throw cash, make sure you’re politically aligned first!
Centre for Nigeria Progress 