Gather round, petrol-pump poets and economic visionaries, because Governor Monday Okpebholo has unlocked a geopolitical cheat code that will leave Nobel Prize-winning economists weeping into their calculators.
In a recent masterclass of logic defying all known laws of physics and common sense, Governor Monday Okpebholo decided to school citizens complaining about the brutal cost of fuel. His groundbreaking discovery? Nigerians are actually living the high life compared to folks in the UK.
The London Fuel Expedition
According to our intrepid Governor Monday Okpebholo, he recently took a casual field trip to London—because nothing says “I feel your pain at the local fuel station” quite like international jet-setting. While there, he apparently turned to a friend with a revolutionary idea: “Let’s go and buy fuel!”
After converting British prices into local currency, he proudly announced that fuel in the UK costs a cool 3,000-plus per litre. Ergo, because petrol costs a king’s ransom in foggy London town, Nigerians should be throwing street parties for their own pump prices. Flawless logic, right? That’s like telling someone drowning in a puddle that they should be grateful they aren’t at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.
Enter the “Supermarket” Critique
Not content with just fixing the fuel crisis via geographical comparisons, Governor Monday Okpebholo offered another gem: the President Bola Ahmed Tinubu is a trained economist, not as his Chicago University degree indicated, an accountant and not a supermarket manager like Peter Obi. So if you were hoping someone might understand the basic retail laws of supply, demand, and not starving, you’ll just have to wait your turn. Apparently, letting ordinary “supermarket people” run things is a terrible idea, unlike visionary politicians who look at skyrocketing inflation and call it a spa day.
The Verdict
Comparing the economic struggles of an oil-producing nation plagued by local inflation to the cost of living in a completely different hemisphere is quite a choice. But hey, why look at local purchasing power, unemployment rates, or minimum wages when you can just hop on a plane to Europe, do some mental gymnastics, and tell citizens they’ve never had it so good?
Next time you’re crying at the gas station, just remember: somewhere in London, petrol is more expensive, which clearly means your car should run entirely on the warm, fuzzy comfort of political sycophancy.
What other creative economic metrics do you think politicians should use to measure our happiness?
